we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
