he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
