thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.