u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize