those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
