Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
