So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
