you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
