I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
