How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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