He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
