I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
