a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize