sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
