You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
