i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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