its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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