She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
