okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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