this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
