I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
