My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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