SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
