Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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