Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
