So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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