Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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