someone get that fucking seahorse.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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