I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
