A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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