my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize