I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
