I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
