Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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