Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
