Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How does one acquire holy water?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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