You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
