Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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