You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
