How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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