He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
