doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
