my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I will be naked everywhere
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
