The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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