I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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