I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
