I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
