I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
