Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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