Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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