Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
