just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
