I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
