Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
