Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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