I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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