i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
