Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
