Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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