so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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