I smell stomach acid.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
