also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
