How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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