so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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