my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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