the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
