Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
