thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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