She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
