I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
